Couple caps 10-year anniversary wedding day with milestone military humanist service
Five shared responses of “we do” reinforced 10 years of commitment for two Royal Canadian Air Force members March 16, as their anniversary-turned-legal wedding day celebrated some new beginnings.
Captain Gordon Tait, 405 (Long Range Patrol) Squadron, and Lieutenant Lisa Bebyck, Wing Comptroller, have had a decade to personalize their formal wedding, an opportunity to celebrate with friends, incorporate things they love and do it under the eye of Captain Marie-Claire Khadij, the first and only humanist chaplain in the Canadian Armed Forces.
“Our path to true love is not as clear cut or fairy tale as it may seem,” Bebyck said, opening her vows to Tait with a “brief history” of how they came together.
The couple met at Bermuda’s 400th anniversary celebration in 2009. She was a Reserve musician with the Governor General’s Foot Guard Band and Tait was a musician with the United Kingdom’s Regular Force.
“We left Bermuda as friends – there was no way!” Bebyck said. “That was October 2009. By January, he was planning to visit, and he came for 10 days. I went to visit him in March. Then, we spent three weeks together in the summer. By fall 2010, he was here, and it’s been going wonderfully since then.”
Tait left the British military, moved to Ottawa, joined the band as a civilian and worked at Starbucks. He earned Canadian citizenship, was accepted into the Canadian Armed Force’s Regular Officer Training Program and finished a mathematics degree as an air combat systems officer. Bebyck followed a similar path a year after Tait: she was accepted into ROTP as well, adding to her earlier music education degree with a degree in economics. Tait graduated in 2019; Bebyck graduated in 2020. After a quick stop in Winnipeg for Tait’s training, they were posted to 14 Wing Greenwood.
In 2012, as Reservists, the couple planned a week-long March break trip to Scotland, inviting family and friends to join them for travel, daytrips, food – and a wedding March 16. They had it all planned, but realized they couldn’t legally be married: so they did it all, anyway, without the “legalness.”
“We figured we’d save the legal wedding for a big anniversary,” Bebyck said. “We could have done it anytime along the past 10 years, but we enjoyed being common-law. What about this year, or this year? But, we were deep in school. We made sure we covered all the holes of legalities – wills, next-of-kin, insurance…. Everyone accepted it – we always got anniversary cards from our family.
“We started really looking at it last summer.”
Friends were tasked to recite poems. Swatches of Crawford and Grant tartan were stitched back-to-back as the binding cloth during their inclusion of a Ukrainian and Scotish handfasting tradition. A bagpiper and drummer were organized. Ten RCAF peers practiced a sword arch. A champagne reception was set for the VPI Centre in Greenwood, followed by a catered dinner of favourite foods in their Berwick home. They made time for a civil marriage in the morning – starting off their “10-year anniversary wedding day.” And, Khadij, based at 5th Canadian Division Support Base Detachment Gagetown, was enlisted as the officiant at the humanist afternoon celebration.
“Bienvenue everyone; welcome to all,” Khadij said, readying the three dozen friends gathered in St. Mark’s Protestant Chapel, watching a slide show with lots of pictures of the couple with their cats.
“I have the privilege of being invited to officiate a humanist ceremony on Gordon and Lisa’s official wedding day, and be here for two wonderful human beings. This is also a historic day – the first military humanist wedding performed by a Canadian Armed Forces humanist chaplain.”
Khadij thanked St. Mark’s chaplains for sharing and preparing their space for a non-spiritual, humanist service.
“Humanism is more about human rights, dignity, science and compassion, and using all of that to contribute to an ethical society,” Khadij explained to the wedding guests as Tait and Bebyck arrived. “A humanist service allows us to celebrate people.”
Jen Mackin, with Metis and Cree heritage, shared a Mi’kma’ki land acknowledgement, reminding everyone they were standing together for their friends, Tait and Bebyck, “upholding the promises made that bring us here today.”
Khadij led Tait and Bebyck through vows they’d prepared 10 years earlier: “Do you take each other to be wedded and live together as married?”
“We do,” both replied.
Bebyck further personalized her vows, thanking Tait for being a great support to her, being bold and adventurous, romantic and a leader: “I would follow you anywhere.”
Tait replied he knew he’d fallen in love with Bebyck before he came to Canada the very first time 10 years ago, and learning to live and grow together since “has all been amazing fun, and fills me with joy.”
Their final response was said together, as Khadij “called upon all present to witness as each acknowledge the other as their wedded partner, as of today.”
Swords, pipes and drums, a group picture in the snowy, sunlit yard of St. Mark’s, hugs, a parade down the sidewalk and champagne followed.
In 2021, the Canadian Armed Forces chaplaincy represented Christian, Muslim and Jewish spiritual and faith traditions, along with Sikh, Buddhist and Universalist Unitarian. A review that year indicated 39 per cent of CAF personnel do not have a religious affiliation, but chaplaincy work goes beyond that, offering counsel, support and respect. Including humanist chaplains furthers inclusion and diversity, adds to CAF chaplaincy capabilities and contributes to the spiritual well-being, moral character, purposefulness and integrity of military personnel and their families.
In May 2022, Captain Marie-Claire Khadij, previously a Christian chaplain, became the first humanist military chaplain within the CAF; Canada became the fourth country to have a humanist chaplain. At CFB Gagetown, where Khadij is posted, a humanist volunteering program connects the military community with local non-profit groups. Khadij offers reflections and resources to all base members; as any chaplain of a particular faith or spiritual background would.
Tait and Bebyck’s humanist wedding March 16 in Greenwood was preceded by a civil event in the morning: Humanist Canada is currently only recognized in Ontario to do the legal part of weddings.
